Chow Yee's Site

It's 5 years today!

We all have songs that we really like. It's really wonderful that on this special day, I finally found one of the songs that I really like, that it may be the song in my heart in this joyous day and beyond:

"You reign in heaven, I stand on earth.
You are Creator, I was formed from dust.
Yet You have loved me, by dying in my place
You stand beyond compare,
Jesus the sovereign king of grace"

Just realized, it's 1 Sep again!

Extraordinary times.

Reading news about the US election just makes me pleasantly amazed by the maturity demonstrated by the politicians. First, for John McCain - the graciousness he demonstrated, calling his supporters to offer their goodwill to Obama.

Secondly, how the White House, and the Treasury so graciously opened their doors to the President Elect's team - Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson even prepared desks together with phone lines at the treasury to allow Obama's team to be briefed about the financial problems and to start working on them.

Thirdly, about the fact that a black president was elected.

I'm sure when Martin Luther King looks down from heaven and sees what has happened, he might well be in his tears, overjoyed. I wonder if the same could be said for Tunku Abdul Rahman. He has about the same dream I think. Probably he's in tears too, but for a different reason.

After so many years of independence, Malaysian politicans are still bickering and dithering among themselves. Race; gender; the rights that are disguised as altruistic but are ultimately the elitists' rights; what you wear; and even which part of the country you were born (as I have tasted it, rather painfully); matters so much more than more pressing concerns - the economy, unemployment, the poverty, providing quality healthcare not just to those in the cities but also rural areas, the quality of higher education, attracting foreign capital and investment etc.

I have always been amazed by the UK Parliament and politics (and New Zealand's too, which I have some small exposure). Yes, most people tend to look at the UK Prime Ministers' Questions and get amazed by the quality of debates, and how the PM is held accountable. I tend to feel there is too much spin. For me, I'm more amazed by the much lesser viewed debates on different bills - how full of quality their debates are, with well researched arguments. And how there is such a high percentage of MPs who hold on to their principles highly - MPs who are willing to go against their whip (look at the Terror act which was defeated); ministers who are willing to resign from the Cabinet out of disagreement with their policies (e.g. on the Iraq war) and so on.

And how during BBC's Question Time, politicians, like Justice Secretary Jack Straw was questioned fiercely by the audience. I also remember 2 years ago, when I was at Christchurch School of Medicine, how NZ's Deputy PM and Finance Minister Michael Cullen was questioned and held to account by one of the professors in the university.

Of course, UK's parliament do have their downfalls, for example, how the research on Iraq was not based on accurate evidence etc. But I dare say, theirs is probably an A- or B+ system, whereas ours back home - giving it a C- may in fact be an overstatement. My markings may be slightly harsh - but that's because 'the candidate' failed to demonstrate her willingness to take on changes.

I have had a keen interest in being a politician during my A-level days. Over the years, I do admit I felt discouraged - I might be contributing more towards society treating patients or working in the labs trying to understand more about cancer than standing in Parliament, being interrupted at every point trying to make a sensible proposal, being name called as a "khinzir" or "stupid" or staying behind bars for 24 hours to receive "some protection as my life may be endangered".

But the current economic problems have got me thinking again. I love economics and finance, and no doubt if I become a MP, I do hope to be able to eventually hold the Finance Ministry portfolio. Imagine steering the country out of a recession, being able to add value to the country and to promote better distribution of wealth, improving the livelihood of hundred thousands of people.

And ultimately, I do love to eventually work with the IMF - won't it be great if one day, I could help in ensuring the proper channeling of funds to the needy populations in the world, e.g. the African and Middle Eastern states, reducing the debt burden of some countries who are overgeared and allow them to concentrate on their growth as opposed to repaying debt interest, and using the IMF as a vehicle to starve off corrupt governments.

But well, for starters, I think I should stop dreaming and start concentrating on my present studies!

Have a good day everyone.

Today's my 3rd anniversary of being born again.

Still remember 3 years ago, it was a Thursday. Just a usual day - after leaving work, I went to a clinic to have my medical forms completed before returning home. In between work and clinic, I recall sometime in between, my heart felt really stirred up - it is time to accept the Lord. And when I reached home, I went to my knees. Still remember it was such a beautiful, peaceful day. I believe heaven was rejoicing over that too.

I know before that day, I have thought about giving my life to Jesus, but have always been held back by doubts - I will be leaving Kuching for London in a few weeks time, will I really be able to lead a Christian life over there? But God has indeed been faithful, as He always have been from old.

Now 3 years on...

¹⁵When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"
      "Yes, Lord," he said, "you know that I love you."
      Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

    ¹⁶Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
      He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you."
      Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

    ¹⁷ The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?"
      Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you."

    Jesus said, "Feed my sheep..."

We always go through seasons, like seasons of dryness, seasons of lack-of-faith, seasons of being in the wilderness etc. But when Jesus reappears again into one's life, you will just feel yourself catapulted into a newer and higher level, walking in a faith, love and hope that you never knew you could have; trusting, being able to have a quietness and rest in Him like never before. I am glad and thankful that He has chosen me, that He has never left me but have carried me and been with me through everything in my life. I am excited with this new season that I am going to embark on, with Him.

Did you see
The brightness of the sun?

Did you smell
That spring is in the air?

Did you feel
A wind
Ahh so refreshing
Breezing over life
Lifting up spirits
And breathing over the tree?

The tree
that appears barren
Will bear flowers
As pretty as the cherry blossoms
But no! - they will not just be momentary
Instead
they will grow and grow
until the amazing fruit comes
The fruit that was birthed by God's love and spirit.

And the world will know
It is God who has breathen and given life
Everything that the Lord does
is glorious and majestic.

Hallelujah!

 

It has been 3 years exactly to this day.  God is good and great.

Was really happy after talking to my mum today.

Apparently the CM's office gave my mum a call regarding the Sarawak issue that I've been talking about. It was of course the first call after such a long time, and the call was pretty positive. Not there yet, nothing's engraved on the stone yet, but it's of course good news.

Of course the wait has been way too long, which has taken such a huge emotional toll on me, but still, good news is good news.

Thank God for that. Just when I was wondering a really short while ago, will God ever answer my prayers, I came to the sudden realization again that - yes He does, ever so faithfully.

Lately, I have a strong desire to retch when I read The Star. Wonderful words from the governmental leaders, like "We will listen to your problems"... Ahh how wonderful, it almost feels so intoxicating, as if heaven has already descended on earth.

These governmental leaders,

IF THEY claim that they care for the people, they will have at least sent a reply to the letters that I personally hand delivered to them in September 07, in December 07, and a further more few letters that I sent by post.

IF THEY claim that they listen to the people, they will not have refused to grant appointments to my parents, of whom the issues are so acute to them.

IF THEY claim that they understand the struggles of the people, they (or should I say he) will not have brushed my parents off when they finally got to meet him at an Open House and telling them, today's CNY, "it's a happy day", let's not discuss about these issues.

It's so unfair isn't it. If any of his family members fell sick, will he not have expected the doctors to attend to his family members immediately? What makes him think that the problems that my family is facing, is in any way less acute? And he has the real guts to say that "it's a happy day" - a problem that has been ongoing for months, how does he actually think that my family can be happy?

Will my parents of old age fight the crowd to get to see him, if it is not an issue that they feel they have been unfairly treated on, that they know no other person can help other than him?

These leaders, they lord themselves over the people. They accomplished so little for the people, yet all the highest seats are reserved for them, all the Tun, Tan Sri, Datuks; before their scheduled arrival, people have to be waiting for them and standing in beautiful lines for an hour; they got all the luxurious things and lead the most extravagant lives - yet they do not even have the desire to lift one finger to help the poor and needy. May the Lord judge between them and me.

Happy new year everyone! I'm currently blogging from KLIA, using their wireless internet system. Waiting for my flight, EY411 and EY11 to London Heathrow via Abu Dhabi.

Good times are quick to pass, but since it's the 3rd year away from home, the sadness is much more bearable this time. Met quite a lot of people, including Susanto at Kuching Airport. Thank God that my flight to Kuala Lumpur wasn't delayed - I was a bit worried since one AirAsia flight in the morning was delayed for 3 hrs and all MAS flights are full, if there are any problems with my flight I may well miss my flight to London. But God is faithful. And I'm now sitting next to Hazwan, from St Joseph - what a coincidence! I think I had some real luck with him, met him at Christchurch (as in bumped into him); and now, met him at KLIA, totally unexpected!

Alright, I'm off soon. Will write more about my short holiday in Kuching when I got more time. Flight's boarding.

Happy new year everyone!

Having exams tomorrow (today), have to wake up early... And yet I couldn't sleep

I shall be having my exams this coming Friday, then on Saturday, I'll be flying home! It'll be great to be home again, albeit for a really short time of just 2 weeks!

Though this time, it may not be as relaxing as I thought. On Tuesday when I return I'll have to give a talk at a Red Crescent camp organized by Kuching High's Youth Unit. Heard it will be attended by non-Highians as well, so means I better give a good one! There are also various other things like perhaps seeing an orthopaedic surgeon/physiotherapist for my back pain, getting my glasses sorted out (don't laugh, but I have trouble focusing on objects when they are brought near to my eyes - which can be a real problem in medicine), and one more battle - perhaps the toughest, my family's immigration status in Sarawak.

For many of you who don't know, I'm actually born in KL, and my family is all from West Malaysia. I have been here since 1988. My parents has been working here for the past 19 years. My dad will be retiring soon, which means our family will have to move back to West Malaysia. My dad did go to the Immigration Department to ask about it, but he was told that since my sister is working in Kuching as a medical doctor, my parents could apply for permit to stay as a dependent of my sister. The permit has to be renewed every 6 months, and furthermore, there has to be a family photo submitted to prove that we are one and a single family. My dad was really annoyed by this response from the counter staff, and decided not to have any more dealings with them.

So this is really something that is in my hands now. There is a real threat that I'm going to be uprooted to a place where basically I don't have much people that I know. To be honest, the requirements, as mentioned by the counter staff, is totally absurd. I understand that foreign spouses can reside in Malaysia with a continuous 5 year visa. Many other countries, including Australia and NZ, would have happily handed permanent residency or even nationality if we had lived there for more than 5 years (or 10 years if in the UK). Now, my family are Malaysians, and we're intending to live in Malaysian soil - and now we need to have our visa renewed every 6 months? To be honest, this thing is turning any sort of love that I have remaining cold.

It is definitely going to be a real battle when I'm back. When I was back in Kuching in September, I did brought a letter to Dr George Chan's office. And now in December, there has been no replies from them (my family reported no letters from them to me).

So when I'm back, I'll be escalating this matter, firstly dealing with the immigration authorities to the very highest level, and if it doesn't work out, I'll push for it through the people's representatives who are meant to help the people (and not not even reply one's letter). I feel it's going to be a real energy and emotional zapper - but hopefully things will turn out well. Please pray for me and my family! Thanks...

Really looking forward to seeing you all soon! =)

Recently I have been reading lots of the news quietly, without much commenting. Of course over the past month there has been two rather large issues in Malaysia, namely the Bersih and the Hindraf gathering. I won't comment on my views about their gathering openly, but felt that as a person in the academic world, I ought to speak out on lots of recent ministerial comments.

It is common for them to say, "If the elections are not fair, how can so and so win the election?" or "If we have neglected that particular race, how can there be lawyers from that race? How can there be leaders of government agencies of that race?"

I must say, from a statistics point of view, their argument is flawed.

How do we confirm if these people who make it to the top are not outliers? How do we confirm that their making to the top is indeed a general trend, as opposed to a one-off appearance?

In this type of studies, it is proportions, not numbers that matter. We have different numbers of Indian, Malay and Chinese. If a system is indeed equitable, the proportion who 'make it to the top' among each racial group will be similar.

We need to use a comparison of proportions. The first thing is to generate a Null Hypothesis, say, "The proportion of Indians who are professionals or hold managerial posts is not different from the general population's proportion". Then, we have to collect statistical data, and analyze them.

If statistics show that 30% of Indians are managers/professionals, and about 30% of Malays are managers/professionals, then perhaps the ministers are right.

Then how do we know if our policies in the past, say NEP has been helpful or not? Again, we do a statistical test. If we have data pre-1969, then great. We could calculate the proportions. Then we apply the policy, and measure the proportions now.

If in 1965, it was 5% for the Indians back then and 10% for Malays then; but now it is 6% for Indians and 35% for Malays... what does the statistics tell? In that case, a marginalization of Indians is likely to be true. (Note: These statistics are for illustration purposes only and not real data). Of course, there may be other reasons behind this discrepancy, again further studies are needed.

This shows my point - No claims can be made lightly. I think ministers got to place more importance on what they say, with plenty of well done research. Claims will remain claims and assertions will remain assertions. If they (and the general population who judge their speaking) has a more critical mentality, they will know that just by shouting the loudest, grabbing the most headlines or making the roughest jokes will not win the day. It is time we have politicians and leaders with analytical mindsets, otherwise Malaysia will stay and remain a third world country.

Dad strongly against NS programme

VEERA Pandiyan is right in pointing out the various issues pertaining to the disasters that have taken many lives – “Our theatre of nightmares” (The Star, Oct 25).  

One can conclude that we must look into every aspect of safety that can and will save lives. However, one major issue that was left out was the National Service programme.  

There have already been 14 inter-related deaths, lifelong injuries have been sustained, traumatic experiences of rape and gang fights have left those involved with lifelong scars and, yet, the stoic replies have been: “We are investigating” and after that comes the response “We are making the necessary improvements.”  

Hence, it takes a disaster before the myriad problems that are still besetting the programme are looked into and, meanwhile, we parents whose children have been selected hold our breath praying and hoping that nothing will happen to them.  

Yes, many improvements have been made but it still cannot take away the fact that around the corner is another accident waiting to happen.  

I say this because no matter what those in favour of this programme may say, we cannot run away from the fact that many of the camps are still ill-equipped, short of trained staff, unhygienic, located far away from hospitals and, most of all, the ratio of mixing the races is lopsided, which prevents any form of racial integration.  

I would like to ask why this programme has not been suspended until all forms of safety measures have been put in place so that the safety of our children can be assured. Verbal assurances will not save lives.  

Why has no one been reprimanded for the carelessness that has happened? Lives have been lost, yet “national interest” comes first! 

As a parent I would like to know: Why is there a law that forces our children to enlist although we are not in any kind of security alert or danger and the main purpose of this programme is for racial integration, which has somehow even failed at the school level? 

As a parent, I strongly object to this forced enlisting. If we need this programme then it has to be on a voluntary basis, a choice left to the individual because in reality, a programme can produce results but never unity.  

CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTOR, 

Batu Caves, Selangor. 

 

Yet another good letter.

 

I'm having some rather bad back pain now. There's a dull ache present even when sitting down. Just bending a bit forward, and the pain starts. You know one of the warm-up exercises we used to do before PJK, the one where we lean forward and try to touch our toes, I couldn't even reach past my knees.

Today on my way back from uni, my shoe laces fell off. Couldnt actually reach it to tie it, had to place my feet on some higher place before I could tie it... barely.

Rather worrying. The doctor has arranged for an X-ray, and some painkillers.

Feeling a bit reluctant to go for all these X-rays, or future MRIs, physiotherapy sessions... It's like one of the most important parts of my course now, really wont want to miss anything.

But the question is... even if there is indeed a recogniseable pathology, what could be done?

Let's just hope it goes away on its own.

I'm happy!

I remember a few months ago, in Czone we sang this song. I really liked that song then.

But when I reached home that night to try searching it for it, all that I can firmly recall is the part (bridge?) where the words "Hallelujah" are repeated many many times. The other parts of the songs, I could vaguely remember them, so finding them has been virtually impossible. Just searching "Hallelujah" through Google, for example, is just not possible.

Then today I was sitting in the clinic, looking as the Registrar talks to the patient. Then how suddenly this song just suddenly 'hums up' in my head. I was very delighted of course, and quickly opened up my notebook and scribbled down whatever lyrics that I could 'hear/discern' from the song in my head. (haha, shows in a way how unattentive I am in clinic!! And yes my notebook has been closed all this while, I am not writing down anything)

And the rest is history. With much more specific parts of the lyrics, I managed to find the song through Google!!! I'm really glad, thank God for that!! Indeed it is God who enables.

You are forever in my life,
You see me through the seasons;
Cover me with Your hand
And leave me in Your righteousness,
And I look to You
and I wait on You.

Chorus:
I’ll sing to You, Lord
a hymn of love
for Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arm,
You’ll never let me go
through it all.

(Repeat I and Chorus)

Sing, hallelujah, hallelujah
(5x)

I’ll sing to You, Lord
a hymn of love
for Your faithfulness to me
I’m carried in everlasting arm,
You’ll never let me go
through it all.

Silence is scary.

Yes, it is dreadful when all communication breaks down. I donno what to do now, except to grief.

I long to be reconciled, to be forgiven, to be your friend...

How nice if I could write wonderful poems or beautiful songs, just to express my thankfulness to God. I love You, Father.

It has been 2 years.

But Lord, I am still trusting, still placing my hope and waiting in faith in You for the wonderful things that You are going to do. I love You Father.

Thank You Lord for sustaining me, for giving me strength to do Your will.

Thank You so much Lord that there is just so much joy walking with You everyday, and forevermore.

31 Aug 2007

This is my first time blogging from the hospital/medical school.

So it's my final 3 days here at Christchurch. I am going to miss this place lots.

Colleagues had a farewell afternoon tea for me yesterday, and today, I'm going to finish off my stuff and hand things over. Tomorrow'll be my last time at Czone, then on Sunday, it'll be my last time at Majestic (City New Life) Church.

Was a rather eventful time to New Zealand this time. Still remembered:

• The day when I first step back to the Angiogenesis Research Group, such an awesome welcome back by Sarah and others in the lab.
• The lunch at Osaka on 15 Jul 2007
• Going around New Zealand, to Auckland, Bay of Islands, Rotorua, Taupo, Wellington, Queenstown, Te Anau, Milford Sound with Tchen Tchii - how it was still like yesterday.
• Skiing at Coronet Peak, Queenstown!
• All the farewell lunches, dinners and sending off of Zhao and Robert
• Having a crazy and fun day with Alex
• Having really fun flatmates - Nic, Debbie, Francis, Prashant, Nancy. Will miss all the interesting world-development debates with Nic and all the encouraging talks given by Debbie to me!
• And many many others...

It is always so hard to leave a place where you so love. A place where you really cherish the people you met. People whom you long to spend more your time with, people whom you long to shower more of your love on.

I know I will miss Christchurch and all the wonderful people here lots...

My holidays are almost gone, time to re-collect my self for another very busy, but i'm sure fun and challenging year ahead!

I called, You answered
And You came to my rescue
And I just wanna be where You are

I really hope I could remember the whole song, but this is the chorus of the song, which has been playing on and on in my hearts today, rather spontaneously, after yet another rather disappointing incident.

Life has been real tough, real hurtful for the past 2 months. Hurts and brokenness comes like once every few days. And the hurt can cut through so deeply. And I find this type of hurt to be particularly painful - when I come with so much love deep inside, so wanting to pour it out completely; only to be totally misunderstood, misperceived and utterly rejected.

But thanks to the Lord, I could always find strength and peace in Him, as I pass through these emotional and relational troubled stormy waters. I find that everytime when I was broken, everytime when the hurt comes through the deepest, He came and helped me to blossom even more in my love. It is like in horticulture, where when my hearts are broken, He just came and loosened the soil, such that out of the soil, an even more beautiful produce of flowers will come out of it.

Lord, You know my heart, I still love them with all my heart; it was never justice or the-winning-of-an-argument that I want, but a real sense of reconciliation, when we will all just come together to really really embrace one another, in tears of joy, the real tears of joy when true love prevails, when a true understanding and caring for each other happens.

Lord, I know You are moving, I will trust forever in Your faithfulness. I will wait on You Lord, Thank You Lord that You are the rock that will never move, Your love prevails forever and forever, and even in my deepest pain, You comfort my heart with You ever-soothing touch.

I am really longing for the days Lord, the day when I will just be overjoyed, overflowing with tears of happiness, when the true love prevails, when the coming together happens. I will wait on You Lord; even when everything's good and happy, You will still forever be the highest and ultimate joy of my life, forever.

Thank You Lord.

I know that though I am walking through the valley now, You are here with me, You are close to me.

And when I reach the mountain tops, I will know, it is You, O God, who have brought me out of darkness to joy - I will build an altar for You, I will exalt Your name forever. For all blessings are from You, and to You alone O God.